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Week of Mar
8th, 2004
Gay Parrot
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet
shop.
After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it
doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I
wonder what happened to this parrot?"
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually
understood what I said and answered me."
"I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly
intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since
you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around
this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it
because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't
you?"
"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at
ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford
that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing.
"Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for
$20.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks
go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting;
he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives
good advice. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst,"
and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the
cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the
parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy.
"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today,
your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything
and kissed him on the mouth."
"What happened then?" asks the guy.
"Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your
lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.
"My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"
"Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to
lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The
parrot pauses for a long time...
"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrot. "I got a
hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch."
Two gay gentlemen are walking through
a zoo. They come across the gorillas and after a while they notice
that the male gorilla has a massive erection.
The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men just can't bear
it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla
grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours
nonstop. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the
cage.
An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.
Next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you
hurt?"
"AM I HURT?", he shouts, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he
hasn't written...
This guy walks into a bar and two
steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck", he says,
"I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the
name of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of
that. All I want is a drink".
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell
me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the
slogan Just Do It.
That guy down at the end of the bar calls his Snickers, because 'It
really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will
give
him a second to think it over. So the customer asks the man sitting
to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of
your penis?" The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX." The
thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?" The fella proudly replies,
"Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who
is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your
penis?" The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because
Quality is Job 1."
Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?" Even more shaken,
the
customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name
for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The
name of my penis is Secret. Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled
look asks, "Why Secret?" The customer says, "Because it's STRONG
ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
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