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 FUNNY DIRTY
JOKES
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Ben & Jerry's New
Presidential (Clinton) Flavors
Slick Willie
Double Nut Joy
Subpoenas 'n' Cream
Impeach-Mint
Candy Pants
Chocolate Chip Doughboy
Chilly Hillbilly
Draft-Dodging Pot-Smoking Intern-Nailing Raspberry Swirl Vanilla
Pantsachio Subpoena Colada
Biscuits 'n' Gravy
Horny Bubba Crunch
Arkansas Peach
Subpoena Butter Cup
Peppermint Fattie
Captain Cream
Tubby Bubba
Hillary Chiller
Fundraising Coffee
Oval Office Surprise
Arkansas Smoothie
Hyperactive Nuts
Scandalberry
Viagra Joke
Woman: Can I get Viagra here?
Pharmacist: Yes.
Woman: Can I get it over the counter?
Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can
14) You discover that "Chesty McBust"
isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.
13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.
12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as
"unlikely to get you anywhere."
11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she
attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she learns
you're worth 45,000 points.
10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you
again."
9) Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5
List.
8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to
cutting her chin shaving slip by.
7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.
6) You can barely make out your S. L.'s face in the JPEG she sent
because she's obscured by her 25 cats.
5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks
like some geek who works for a software company.
4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has
become cold and distant.
3) She's suddenly changed her address to comingout@lesbian.com
2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the
mysterious "tubby@whitehouse.gov"
1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your
affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year
old boy she'd pretended to be.
A young woman took her troubles to a
psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so
that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then
afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to
strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I
won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
A bloke is sat at a bar when he sees
this gorgeous woman waiting for her date. He decides to go over and
chat her up.
'I think you're wasting your time, I'm only interested in women' said
the woman.
'Oh come on, I bet I can change your mind' said the bloke. After ten
minutes of the bloke pestering her, she had had enough.
'OK' said the woman 'I'll sleep with you if you can do anything for me
that my vibrator can't!'
'OK, barman get this lady a drink' he said. 'let's see your vibrator
do that?'
A computer programmer happens across
a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful
princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The
programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give
you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back
in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you
great sex for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you
great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss
a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for sex.... But a
talking frog is pretty neat."
Two lawyers were walking down Rodeo
Drive, and saw a beautiful model walking towards them. "What a babe,"
one said, "I'd sure like to fuck her!"
"Really?" the other responded, "Out of what?"
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