 SHORT
BLONDE JOKES
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Q. How do you
brainwash a blonde?
A. Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q. How does a
blonde part their hair?
A. By doing the splits.
Q. Why don’t
blondes eat bananas?
A. They can’t find the zipper.
Q. Why do blondes
wear red lipstick?
A. Because red means “Stop, wrong hole.”
Q. Why don’t
blondes use vibrators?
A. They chip their teeth.
Q. What do
blondes do for foreplay?
A. Remove their underwear.
Q. Why don’t
blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A. Cause their balls show.
Q. How does a
blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A. Fertilized.
Q. How do blondes
turn the light on after sex?
A. Kick open the car door.
Q. What is the
worst thing about sex with a blonde?
A. Bucket seats.
Q. Why is a
blonde like railroad tracks?
A. She’s been laid all over the country.
Q. What important
questions does a blonde ask her mate before having sex?
A. Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate.
Q. Why do blondes
have orgasms?
A. So they know when to stop having sex.
Q. How do you
tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A. The next person in the queue line taps you on the shoulder.
Q. Why do blondes
use tampons with extra long strings?
A. So the crabs can go bungee-jumping.
Q. What’s the
difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A. Not everyone has been in a limo.
Q. What’s the
difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q. Why do blondes
find it difficult to marry?
A. Because you don’t have to marry them for sex.
Q. Why aren’t
there many blonde gymnasts?
A. When they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q. Why do blondes
have legs?
A. To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Q. What is the
irritating part around a blonde’s vagina?
A. The other guys waiting their turn.
Q. Why do blondes
have two more brain cells than a cow?
A. So they don’t shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
Q. What do you
see when you look into a blonde’s eyes?
A. The back of her head.
Q. Why wasn’t the
Virgin Mary a blonde?
A. She wouldn’t have been old enough to bear children.
Q. Why are
blondes hurt by people’s words?
A. People keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q. What did the
blonde do when she got her period?
A. Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her.
Q. What do you
call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A. Last year’s hide and seek champ.
Q. Why are there
lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A. Cause she blows the horn.
Q. Did you here
about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A. She missed.
Q. What is the
difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A. It is difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q. What does the
Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A. They have both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q. Why did God
give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A. He didn’t want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q. Why don’t a
blondes eyes fall out of her when she stands?
A. The vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
Q. What two
things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A. Her feet!
Q. Why does a
blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
A. So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Q. What do you
call a blonde lesbian?
A. A waste.
Q. Why did the
blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A. From crawling across the street when the sign said “Don’t Walk”.
Q. What is a
blonde’s idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.
Q. What does a
blonde answer to the question “Are you sexually active?”
A. “No, I just lie there.”
Q. How is a
blonde like a postage stamp?
A. You lick’em, stick’em, and send’em on their way.
Q. How do you
describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A. HO, HO, HO, and to all a good night.
Q. How do you get
a blonde to climb on the roof?
A. Tell her that the drinks are on the house.
Q. What is the
connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?A. They both get
screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q. What did a
blonde’s dentist find?
A. Teeth in a cavity.
Q. What is a
blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A. She’s trying to hold on to a thought.
Q. What is a
blonde’s idea of safe sex?
A. A padded dash.
Q. Why do blondes
use white-out on their computer screens?
A. They couldn’t find their eraser.
Q. Why was the
blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A. She couldn’t figure out who the other mother was.
Q. Why did the
blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A. It said “concentrate”.
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