Our stupid jokes will leave you groaning like a bare waking
from hibernation. And when we say STUPID JOKES, we mean,
completely moronically devoid of any intelligence or sense
whatsoever. *STUPID* And trust me, it wasn't hard to find plenty
of stupid jokes out there.
do morons like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
did it take the moron an hour to eat breakfast?
Because the orange juice carton instructions said Concentrate
do you do if a moron throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back at him.
did the moron fall on the floor?
He tripped over the cordless phone.
did the moron try to kill a bird?
He threw it off a mountain cliff !
did the moron climb the glass wall ?
To see what was on the other side!
do you confuse a moron?
Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in one corner!
about the moron that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.
did the moron going to the airport turn around and go home?
Because he saw the sign that said "Airport Left".
morons were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first moron said "These look like deer tracks,"
and the other moron said, "No, they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued, and they were still arguing when the train
can't a moron dial 911?
He can't find the 11 on the phone!
do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because
of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's
the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???...) On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just"
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not
turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks
& Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????..)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could
do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???.....)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other
use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does
not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening
doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun
"Guns don't kill people, doctors do."
Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.
alert your friends to this alarming threat immediatly. We must
ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!
Out of concern for the public at large, the statistics on lawyers
have been withheld for fear the shock would cause people to panic
and seek medical attention.
story takes place on a Native American reservation. One night,
it was very, very cold; so cold that people had to bundle together
to stay warm.
nine months later, at the reservation hospital, there were so
many women in labor on the same day that every bed in the maternity
ward was full. When another woman came in, the staff found a deer
skin and stretched it out on top of some pillows to provide for
her a comfortable place to deliver. She gave birth to a healthy
woman came in, so the staff found a buffalo skin and stretched
it out on top of some pillows to give her a comfortable place
to deliver. She gave birth to healthy twin baby boys.
yet another woman came in. The staff scrambled around, and found
the skin of a hippopotamus (a traveling circus had been passing
through the area earlier that year and their hippo had died...).
They stretched it out on top of some pillows to give her a comfortable
place to deliver. She gave birth to triplets - three healthy baby
story is just another validation of a well-known truism:
sons of the squaw of the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of
the squaws of the other two hides."
elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the
agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his
favorite Italian anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom,
and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands,
he crawled downstairs.
labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into
the kitchen. Where if not for death's agony, he would have thought
himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper
on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette
it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world
a happy man?
one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing
on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the
wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly
bringing him back to life.
aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the
edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula
by his wife....."Back off!" she said, they're for the
A man walks into
a doctors office one day, completely naked, and covered in saran
wrap. He goes to the doctor, and the doctor does some tests, and
hours later, he tells the man, "Well, I can clearly see your
There was an
apartment building with three floors on the first floor there was a
gay guy eating dozens of pickles on the second floor there was a guy
painting his walls green and on the third floor there was two guys
naked have a sword fight one day while the two naked guys were having
a sword fight naked, one guy accidentally chopped the other guys penis
off which fell to the second floor in the green paint which rolled
onto the first floor and into the gay guys pickles jar the gay guy
picked it out and took a bite and said that's the best pickle I ever
A man walks into a
bar after a hellish day of work not noticing it was a gay bar. So when
he walks over to order his drink, a gay meets him and said" Have you
ever played bar football?" The man never heard such a thing and wanted
to know how to play. The gay replied," Its very easy. All you have to
do is down a pitcher of beer and fart right after. Downing the beer is
a touchdown and the fart is the field goal." The man was thinking it
through and thought that something might go right for a change. So the
gay started the game by downing the beer and farting. He then said,"
Now that is seven points. Now you try." The man down the beer and when
he lend over to fart, right then the gay put his finger up the man's
ass and stated," Now that is how you block a field goal!"
Once a person was
eating a banana. But a guy went up to him and asked, "Where is Stanley
Street? I want to know this because my name is Stanley Cup." So the
person guided him to GM Place and said,"Bye!"
An Irishman is
really, really drunk, so the bar keeper walks up to him and says:
"Right, you've had enough, go home..."
So the irishman gets up off his stool and falls flat on his face, so
"Ok, ai'll crawl outside instead, to sober up a bit more"
He gets outside, and falls flat on his face, so instead he crawls the
four streets to his home. when he gets home he opens the door,
standing, and yet again falls flat on his face. so he crawls upstairs
into his room, stands up and falls flat on his bed and falls fast
asleep straight away.
The following morning his wife wakes him up and says, 'You've been
drinking again haven't you?'
The Irishman replies, 'What makes you say that?'
His wife replies, 'Well the pub just called, you've left your
wheelchair there again!'