News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv...
another playing football and the third one was caught reading
this txt message
longest sentence known to man: "I do."
News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama.
FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog,
idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read
without the word dog.
were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over
you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice
A weapon of math destruction.
spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army
instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it
back for 50p.
you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower
than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a
is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when
you change gears...
was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend.
Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up
to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
(to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension
in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know
how to drive this thing?"
is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity
of your action.
What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach
is aiming just a little too high.
late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience
and didn't come back for a day and a half.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What Men Know About Women.
you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's
how dogs spend their lives.
only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have