was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher
was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed
her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I
bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right"
the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just
a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop
owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it,
and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next
gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held
the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of
the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is
it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with
some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger
drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?"
she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give
up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson
on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they
would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question
time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M'
and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front
row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his
school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled
to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying
off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students
the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous
year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate
than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long
time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock
room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?"
The Custodian looked at him gravely... "We trust them with
the children, don't we?"
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast
around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and
was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still
with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the
toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy
classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied
himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap,
he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He
had no trouble with discipline that term.
My son, Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices spelling with magnetic
letters on the refrigerator: "cat," "dog,"
"dad," and "mom" have been proudly displayed
for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell
bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands
were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled,
Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's
wonderful!" I said. "Now go put them on the fridge so
Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Christian education
is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily. Just then,
a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to
school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her
that he was misbehaving. "Wait a minute," she said.
"I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called
you once when he misbehaved."
An English teacher often wrote little notes on student essays.
She was working late one night, and as the hours passed, her handwriting
deteriorated. The next day a student came to her after class with
his essay she had corrected. "I can't make out this comment
you wrote on my paper." The teacher took the paper, and after
squinting at it for a minute, sheepishly replied, "It says
that you need to write more legibly!"
A young student reported for a final examination that consisted
of only true/false questions. The student took a seat in the hall,
stared at the test for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket
and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet. Heads
meant true, tails meant false. The young student finished the
exam in 30 minutes, while the rest of the class was sweating it
out. Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student
began desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely. The
moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was
going on. "Well, I finished the exam in half an hour,"
said the student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my answers."
One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son. "Wake
up now! It's time to go to school." "I don't want to
go to school," the son replied. His mother said, "Give
me two reasons why you don't want to go to school." "Okay.
One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
"Not good enough," the mother replied. "Fine,"
the son said. "Then you give me two good reasons why I SHOULD
go to school." "One, you're 50 years old. Two, you're
the principal of the school."
The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old
daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work
himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said
that she would have to direct him to the school. They rode several
blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more
before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes
- but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only
a short distance from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked
his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child
explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's
the only way I know."
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work,
I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom
with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How
did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned
to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are
you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his
head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid
out of his locker."
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's
office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman,
curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed
like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained,
"that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass
him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend
the day with him!"