the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
Why the man Who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved"
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the Whole plane out of the material used for
the indestructible black box ?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is
ONE LINE JOKES:
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
do you call a fish with no eyes?
snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny,
I smell carrots too".
do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.
fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!
did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?
call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom
gets to speak.
I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
did you get those big eyes?
They came with the face.
went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara
was love at first sight. Then I took a second look.
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off
with a cloth and sells the cloth.
there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for
wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."
have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak
you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow
because she didn't want to wake the children.
quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables
to an 18-month-old child.
do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"
"Fine. She vanished last night."
don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should
make him happy?"
man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four
heard you missed school yesterday."
"Not a bit."
gotta 'A' in spelling."
"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."
wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.
one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.
must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture.