Our Mensa Jokes will leave you questioning your own
intelligence and laughing your face off.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert.
The saying: "If you don't use it, you will lose it"
also applies to the brain.
is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
So take the following test presented here and determine if you
are losing it or are still a MENSA candidate. OK, relax, clear
mind and . . . begin.
What do you put in a toaster?
answer is bread. If you said "toast", then give up now
and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said,
"bread", go to question 2.
Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What
do cows drink?
Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not
attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed
and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself
reading something more appropriate such as "Children's World".
If you said, "water" then proceed to question three.
If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made
from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and
a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse
Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks",
what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions?
If you said "glass", then go on to
Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.
If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically
divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the
flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the
last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing
procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and
the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land"
Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors -
East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else,
you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from
a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If
you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to
the next question.
If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute
then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything
other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated
on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league.
Turn your pencil in and
exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London
to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.
In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11
people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people
get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off
and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the
name of the bus driver?
Oh, for goodness sake! It was YOU, Read the first line!!!
on the subway today, I glanced over at the woman beside me. I
noticed that she had a Mensa button clipped on her bag. The button
M E N S A K O R E A
* * ***
I A R E A M E N S A N
All I could think was "who was the genius that approved that
Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.
are this year's winners:
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly (my favorite)
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future. (though this is good too)
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for
the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which
renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. (this also rocks)
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending
off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like,
the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding
half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
the pick of the literature: (This one, too, was
our very favorite. As have others in life, seems that
we've encountered an inordinate amount of these "types"!!)
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.