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MEANING OF MALE STATEMENTS
Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."
"You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected
"I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."
"She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow
head might be necessary."
"I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."
"Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."
"I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who are you?"
"Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find
"Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going
out sooner or later."
"How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's
their way to tell you by now."
"I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."
"I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
"I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."
"I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"
"I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."
A lady calls
the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive
and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches
tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love
him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this
report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't
believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears
a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and
asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She
replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean
I wanted him back!"
Q. What is the
one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
Q. What do you
call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why is it
difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A. They already have boyfriends.
Q. How many
honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the
A. Both of them.
Q. Why did the man cross the road?
A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. They don't stop and ask for directions.
Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer.
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know; it has never happened.
Q. What do
they call a woman who works as hard as a man?
Man says to
God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."
were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The
rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one
has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not
able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching
speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,
because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband
and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in
return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started
clapping their hands.
A new bride
was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and
her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way
that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
A man was invited for dinner
at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded
his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling",
"Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's
really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep
saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've
forgotten her name."