guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted
all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe
tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks
out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away,
Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and
yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!" Jerry says,
"Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over
me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my
neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled
up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat
them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally,
they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic
female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose.
The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come
out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up
on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give
the moose love call. Before long, their call was answered as a
bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When
the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay,
let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like
an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is
stuck! What are we going to do?" The guy in the front says,
"Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better
There was 3 guys stranded in the mountains and they weren't going
to be rescued for 3 days. So they all made a plan that each night
one would get the food. So the first night the 1st guy goes out
and comes back with a big deer. So the guy who was hunting tomorrow
ask for advice on how to catch another one, and the guy said see
tracks, follow tracks, BAM!! shot the deer... So the next night
the 2nd guy went out and came back with an even bigger deer than
the 1st guys, and the 3rd guy was amazed so he asked how he could
catch one like that for the next night. And the guy told him see
tracks, follow tracks, BAM!! shot the deer... The next night the
3rd guy went out to get a deer and comes back hours later all
beat up and bloody, so the the other 2 guys ask what happen. And
the guy said i seen tracks, followed tracks, BAM!! got hit by
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to
find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on
them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his
rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In
a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight:
the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable
bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried,
"What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said
the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess,
let him get himself out of it."
Two hunters are in the woods in deer season. The morning hunt
over, they head back to camp together. As they make their way
along the path, they hear a loud crashing noise and look up to
see a very large bear charging down a hillside. Realizing simultaneously,
that they are the bear's intended targets, not to mention lunch,
one of the hunters immediately takes off his back pack, drops
to the ground and begins to change from his hunting boots to tennis
shoes. The other hunter bewildered asks "You don't really
think you can out run that bear do you?" The first
hunter replies, "No, but I can outrun you."
An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders
sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the
beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion,
but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill
a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders,
he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of
the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks
coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw
the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of
the lion. "What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked
the chief. "Forget the damn lion !" he howled. "Which
of you Idiots let the bull loose?"
Two hunters were in a lodge, making small talk. One of them asked
the other, "So, what do you hunt?" He answered, "I
hunt unicorns." The first hunter was startled, but said,
"Really? How do you do that?" The other answered "I
find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around
in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets
off a snare." The first hunter said "Boy, they must
be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."
The second hunter said "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns
A couple of Oklahoma hunters are out in the woods when one of
them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his
eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his
cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend
is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing
voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make
sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes
back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
Two men from West Virginia went hunting. They were named Billy
and Jimmy. Billy said to Jimmy, "Shoot at any deer that moves."
They both went to different tree stands. Well, Billy forgot his
smokes and went to ask Jimmy for a cigarette. When Billy started
going over to Jimmy, Jimmy shot him. Jimmy took him to the hospital
and the doctor comes out. Jimmy asks, "Will he be O.K. Doc?"
The doctor said, "Sure, if you hadn't field dressed him in
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One
day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark
this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow."
The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same
guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?" His
friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the
boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if
we don't get that same boat today!?!?"
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why
his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba began, "We
wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up
his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted. "From
what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said,
'Sure, I'm game.'"