out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.
Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse
named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull,
Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered,
"Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once more
the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing. Then
the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And
the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist
was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why
he called his horse by the wrong name three times. "Well...
Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling,
he wouldn't even try!"
lone tourist who is passing through the suburbs on the way to
town by car, unfortunately experiences mechanical problems with
the automobile. The car stalls and the tourist parks the car by
the side of the road and waits for help.
much later, a farmer happens to pass by with a truck full of farm
animals. The farmer offers the tourist a lift to town and proceeds
to explain that he is bringing his farm animals to the town market,
where they will be auctioned off to the highest bidders.
it so happens that on the way to the town, the farmer being so
engrossed in his story, unintentionally wanders into the other
side of road where another vehicle is approaching in the other
farmer realizes his absent mindness and attempts to avoid the
possible collision with the other vehicle. He just misses the
other car, but unfortunately crashes the truck into the side of
the road. The tourist winds up thrown into a ditch and suffers
broken ribs and a broken arm and leg and is obviously in extreme
pain. The farm animals are all messed up very badly and the farmer,
although remaining inside the vehicle, still suffers cuts and
farmer gets out of the truck and looks at his farm animals.
chickens all have broken limbs and can barely move. "These
chickens are all useless! Nobody will want to buy these chickens
anymore!" bellows the farmer. With that, he grabs and loads
his shotgun and blows away the chickens.
he sees the pigs and they are all lame and bleeding profusely.
"These pigs are all worthless now! I'll get nothing for them!"
yells the farmer. With great rage, the farmer reloads his shotgun
and blows away the pigs.
farmer looks at the sheep and they all have broken limbs and their
wool is all bloodied. "Worthless sheep!" screams the
farmer and with that, he reloads his shotgun and blows away the
the injured tourist witnesses all of this carnage in great horror.
farmer then moves over to the side of the ditch and looks at the
tourist. "Are you okay down there?" asked the farmer.
FELT BETTER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!" the tourist yelled back.
a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed
a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front
of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out of kindness and
consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the
farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to
the door, said he, "Pardon memadame, but I just ran over
a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong
to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let
you know instead of just driving off...."
so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat?
Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?"
man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks
like thts"as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what
did he look like*before* you hit him?"
that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed"Agggghhhhhhhhhh
aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their
pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week
would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he
finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the
blame for something that happened fifty years ago."